Friday, October 30, 2009

Herbsttag / Autumn Day (Rainer Maria Rilke)

Herr: es ist Zeit. Der Sommer war sehr groß.
Leg deinen Schatten auf die Sonnenuhren,
und auf den Fluren laß die Winde los.

Befiel den letzten Früchten voll zu sein;
gib ihnen noch zwei südlichere Tage,
dränge sie zur Vollendung hin und jage
die letzte Süße in den schweren Wein.

Wer jetzt kein Haus hat, baut sich keines mehr.
Wer jetzt allein ist, wird es lange bleiben,
wird wachen, lesen, lange Briefe schreiben
und wird in den Alleen hin und her
unruhig wandern, wenn die Blätter treiben.



Lord: it is time. The summer has been vast.
Now down upon the sundials lay your shadows,
and on the meadows loose the winds at last.

Command late fruits to swell upon the vine;
grant them two days of southern balminess,
drive them to their fulfillment so, and press
the last sweet drops into the heavy wine.

He that is homeless now will homeless stay.
He that is now alone will long live so,
will wake, read, write long letters, and will go
walk up and down along the alleyway,
wandering restless as the dry leaves blow.

2 comments:

  1. May I add my translation:

    Lord, it is time. The summer has been vast.
    Do cover the sundials with your shadows
    and on the meadows now let loose the blast.

    Command the latest fruits to ripen fine
    and give them two more southerlier days,
    force them to gain perfection then and raise
    the final sweetness in the heavy wine.

    Whoever has no home now, won't establish one,
    His loneliness will long not change for better
    He'll wake, he'll read, write letter after letter
    and wander in the alleys on and on
    among brown leaves that the winds do scatter.

    In my translation, I maintained the rhyming scheme and the meter of the original. However, I am not a native speaker of English and I'm not sure whether some of my phrases might sound awkward in English. I am thankful for comments and suggestions.

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  2. I'm really impressed, and it's great to see a native speaker's interpretation! I would say that the use of "do" as an auxiliary verb feels a little awkward to me (the lines where it's used are also a bit funny with regard to meter), and "more southerlier" sounds redundant and grammatically off. There's also an extra foot in line 8. And I know how hard feminine rhymes are--"scatter" sounds a little funny after "better" and "letter," but I don't know how to improve on that.

    Is it standard practice to identify the person with no home in line 8 with the person who's alone in lines 9 ff.? I see how the implication can be there, but it's not explicit in the original so I thought it better to keep to the repetition of "Wer jetzt."

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